Morning Minute 8/06/24
“What Keys Create a Long-Lasting Marriage?”
“In sickness & health, for richer or poorer, forsaking all others, until death do we part!”
On August 4, 2024, Judy & I celebrated our 54th anniversary. In 1970, we married as two 19 year olds, totally committed to each other, emboldened by our love and support for each other, as we pursued raising a family while excelling in our professions.
Over the years we have grown closer together, in spite of financial setbacks, separations due to career locations, individual mistakes, illnesses, and the struggles of raising two very independent children. Here are some of the keys to our longevity.
Unconditional love is that which grows stronger over time. It is not based on one person extending love if the other does something for them. Love is given without reservation and is not withheld if an issue of disagreement arises. In the beginning we asked God to bless our marriage and our family. Our love is a manifestation of God’s unconditional love for us. We ask every day for His continued blessing.
Marriage is rarely a 50:50 commitment. There will always be times when one person must bear more responsibility, putting forth more effort than the other. Those times come during physical separations, especially when the children are young. Plus, illnesses or injuries creates times where one person has to do more than the other.
Mutually supporting each other’s goals and struggles, strengthens the bond we have. We both have had major career changes, moving into different industries. Judy moved from administrative work into a media sales career. I transitioned from a restaurant career to the automotive industry. Judy was president of her professional club in 1994-95. I was president of my Rotary club in 1995-96. In those times, when one person is struggling in a new career, or serving others in an outside organization, the other person may have to pick up their slack, caused by these outside events.
As human beings, we all make mistakes and hurt the other person. The offending person must admit to and own the mistake. Lying or hiding the mistake creates much more animosity than being honest. Although difficult, and at times even painful, we must forgive the other person. We can hate the mistake and still love our spouse. Honesty and forgiveness are a part of a long lasting marriage.
Endeavor to understand each other’s point of view. Because we see things differently, have different paradigms and life experiences, we may see the same event and have completely different views of it. Our views may cause us to react differently. Take the time to understand how your spouse processes information. Don’t be afraid to ask or answer the question. “How do you see this?” Or, “What should we do about this?”
These are a few of the commitments and compromises that we have made, in order to enjoy a life-long marriage. Marriage is a spiritual, personal, physical, and mentalcommitment to help each other be the best we can be. And, if you have children, it requires your life-long commitment to help them to be the best they can be!
It is our earnest prayer, that each of you may have a long-lasting, loving, and beneficial relationship with your spouse.
“What Keys Do Create a Long-Lasting Marriage?”
That is today’s Morning Minute!
Morning Minute 8/09/24
“It’s Not How You SAID It! But How They HEARD It!”
Years ago, I attended a “train-the-trainer” class on communication, taught by Mike Postlewaite, the founder of “Management By Strengths.” My expectation was that it would be just another look at teambuilding. Boy, was I wrong!
Mike summarized what attendees should expect by completing this course. He shared: “To be able to communicate with others, we must listen to them from their point of view.” He added: “Teamwork through communication, motivation, and trust, leads to success!” Today’s message will summarize the main parts of this program.
There are 4 primary and distinct personality types that control how each person shares information, and how they process information. Let look at each separately.
DIRECTNESS: The focus of the DIRECT person is on getting results, being in control and solving problems. They’re the ones who take charge, wanting to lead rather than follow. High D people have a direct style of communication: they get right to the point. Their direct style may be misunderstood as criticism, when really all they were doing was saying what was on their mind in a very direct way.
EXTROVERSION: The focus of the EXTROVERTED person is on people and teamwork. Extroverted people are talkative, friendly, and outgoing. They LOVE to talk. High E people have a persuasive style of communication. They intend to talk you into things. They’re most creative when working with others. They love being part of “The Team”!
PACED: The focus of the PACED person is on timing, harmony, and cooperation. Paced people appear laid back, relaxed and easy going. They don’t rush … they just move along in a smooth, under control manner. High P people HATE pressure, so they naturally avoid pressuring others. They are helpful and cooperative, if you are.
STRUCTURED: The focus of the Structured person is on being right! They are careful & precise, seeking perfection in everything. To ensure they are right they “go by the book:” THEIR BOOK! They resist change. They require time to understand change. They gather facts and do research before making any decision. They ask lots of questions. They will check and re-check facts in order to be RIGHT!
Here are some recommendations on being effective as you communicate with each.
DIRECTNESS: Explain WHAT you want to accomplish, Be direct & to the point. Focus on results, control, and taking-action. Support their goals. Be business-like.
EXTROVERSION: Explain WHO as you focus on people & teamwork. Be enthusiastic & interactive as you support their goals. Provide feedback in a friendly & open manner.
PACED: Explain WHEN as you focus on timing & harmony. Emphasize cooperation. Support their schedule, set deadlines, and act patient and unhurried.
STRUCTURED: Explain WHY with facts in writing. Be specific and very organized.
This is a very brief overview of valuable communication skills. You can go to Strengths.com, or PM me to set up a short discovery call to discover how this training may help you build a great team through “Management By Strengths.”
“It’s Not How YOU Said It! It’s How THEY Heard It!”
